Baby Steps to a Life Worth Living

My whole life until now contains different stories and experiences of trauma. I am still processing it even now. I do not know if I will ever feel safe, back to what some may call “myself” because I don't know or remember what that feels like. If there were ever to be a time in my life where I was unbothered by what was yet to come, I have no memory of it. 

I want so badly to say that I am healed. Sharing a miracle cure to the amounts of abuse and abandonment I have endured would be meaningful enough to be my life’s purpose. I wish I could stand next to all of the women that I work with and love, and tell them that I have the answer or a magic potion. I do not. 

I have learned from other healers, earned multiple degrees in women’s studies and domestic violence while being abused. There is no length that I will not go to know why these things happen to women and to prevent them from happening to future generations. I deserve to lay this trauma down and feel safe. So do you. 

The after effects of the trauma are sneaky. It comes in waves. One day it may look like I am on top of the world, but it never really feels like that inside. Because I know it still sits in there, the times I was left alone, parentless. Many times I was physically abused by partners. That violent and emotionally charged energy filled with sadness and grief, our bodies still carry it with us. I want to say that it is just a part of our story, that we will heal and can live a full life in spite of what others have done to us. I am not sure we can do it alone. I have tried. 

No one wants to hear the bad. There are feelings. Dark places. It is heavy. Listening to someone else’s trauma may trigger something within ourselves that needs attention and care. It is brought to the surface because it needs to breathe. You deserve fresh air. I grew up hushed. Silenced. Religion had me asking for forgiveness because I was not forgiving. I also was not protected by those that were supposed to protect me. Shame dies when stories are told in safe spaces. 

This energy, it is bigger than us, but it landed on us. We have to carry the legacy trauma that was passed from our abusers to us, from our parents DNA to ours. We were brought into this world already coded and destined to carry someone else’s shit.

I have dragged so much sadness around with me for so long. The grief and numbness is why I started Dame. I created her because women need a space to be together. I have been so far removed from connection with other women at the hands of my abusers and legacy trauma which only buried it deeper.  

I am seeking answers. I have done a shit ton of healing. I learned skills to cope. I know how to recognize my intuition and follow her. This is huge in the world of self love and discovery. Boundaries are a part of my everyday life. I make sure that Little Brooke is protected now. 

I wish that Dame was a one stop shop for all of your healing. I met different people that have taught me about healing and loving myself. Sometimes the spark of enlightenment comes from a book, music or art. Not surprisingly, my kids. grandbabies and partner have taught me that it is safe to be vulnerable and open with another person. They are my safe space.

You will find safe spaces too. It might not be obvious or grandiose. The healing will come in seconds, moments. There will be emotions and waves of peaks and valleys. You need a community to be there for you and to learn with you.

Baby steps to a life worth fucking living. 

With love.

Brooke